Goodbye to Yesterday
by Mafuyu no Seiza
Summary: "Let's try again and say goodbye... Goodbye to yesterday..." They chose their sides and because of that, they could never be together. Steve and Natasha's thoughts on their last night before they finally parted. Romanogers/Stevetasha, Somehow pre-Civil War (plus I don't really know under which movie category this should be so to be safe, I placed it here.)


**A/N:** Hi! This is my first time writing Romanogers, let alone in this universe. And I've stopped writing for quite some time so my skills could be rusty, please bear with me…

The reason why I wrote this is that I love this pairing, I ship it so much so I think I should do something for them (and then Civil War came along). Plus, this song, "Goodbye to Yesterday" by Elina Born and Stig Rästa, is so full of feels that it deserves a fic out of it (try to listen to it while/after reading, I hope you enjoy).

 **GOODBYE TO YESTERDAY**

Steve woke up; his eyes trying to get accustomed with the darkness. His eyes shifted to the figure beside him, the hair unmistakably red even with this little light. On normal days, he would have been happy and relaxed, seeing the familiar red hair, the familiar face, and the familiar warmth that kept him company.

But things were different.

He glanced at the clock on the wall. His eyes tried to adjust in the darkness until he could make out the silhouettes around the room. He was trying to be rational, trying to think of what he should do. He slowly, painfully, tried to remove his arm from under the woman's head.

" _I should not be here… not with you,"_ he thought, his eyes closed as his heart stung. Natasha has chosen a side and it was not his. He was disappointed, frustrated on what went wrong, but as a gentleman, he respected her decision. She was free and no one, including him, had the right to trample on that freedom.

Steve wanted to avoid her, to stop thinking of her, because he knew that this would compromise everything: his plan, his principles, and everything in between. He had hoped that he could explain to her why he had to act with a cold shoulder. The spy did not ask for one and he felt bitter with the fact that she did not even bother doing the same.

He recalled the events earlier: that night when she entered, or rather broke in, to his apartment.

" _I woke up at 6 AM_

 _My eyes were closed but my mind was awake_

 _Pretending I was breathing in a deep sleep pace…"_

He was preparing his duffel bag in the dark, carrying some of his belongings before he would escape his apartment. He could not stay in that place any longer; it would be easy to track him there.

He momentarily froze when he looked at his old compass. It once held Peggy's newspaper clipping photograph but it was replaced by a sketch, his impression of the Russian spy's beauty (Natasha did not have available pictures for him to use).

He hesitated before finally stuffing it inside his bag haphazardly. He was having a final check of his belongings when he heard a soft sound of metal hitting metal, making him creep towards the direction of the sound, his shield ready on his arm.

Steve's eyes widened when he saw the intruder. He could still make out the flaming red hair even in the dark. "Natasha…" her name escaped his lips. When was the last time he even uttered her name like that?

She briefly stopped moving and held on to the windowsill, like a black cat. Trying to hide her surprise, the spy gracefully landed on the kitchen floor. The soldier backed away, his shield in place just in case Natasha would suddenly attack him. However, he noticed her posture. He had watched her fight a million times and her stance indicated that she had no intention to do so.

Steve dropped the shield; its clunking sound resonated throughout the room before going nearer. He was about to turn on the light but she immediately swatted his hand away before placing her small arms around his body.

"Don't move," she said, her voice broken. She leaned on his chest and he could feel her heavy breathing. A side of the soldier was actually expecting Natasha to suddenly conjure a gun and place it on his gut. He shook his head. _"Where did my trust go?"_

He nodded a little. He raised his arms, hesitating whether he should reciprocate the embrace. _"God, I missed you,"_ his mind screamed. But things were different. They were fighting against each other – would be fighting against each other – and enemies should not even be found in the same apartment with the lights closed. He decided against his emotions and placed his hands down, balling them into fists.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, trying his best not to show any emotions. It was her game, putting on a mask and Steve had learned a thing or two.

She made a decision and he was clearly not in this. She may be wrong but he might be wrong as well. "Let's just forget everything else… Just tonight… _Please_ ," she emphasized on her plea. She wrapped her arms around him tighter.

" _I didn't wanna wake you up_

 _My love was never gonna be enough_

 _So I took my things and got out of the way now, girl."_

He slowly got up and momentarily sat on the bed, looking at his love, no, his former love sleeping peacefully. There were dark circles under her eyes. _"Were you having nightmares alone, Natasha?"_ he thought as he attempted to touch her face. However, he went against the idea, standing up from the bed. He raised the blanket to keep her warm, recalling that one time when she told him that his warmth couldn't be compared to any blanket. He slowly walked away, making sure that his movements were stealthy as he moved across the room to gather his belongings.

Steve took his bag and placed his shield on his back. He was about to leave the room but his heart could not resist. He tiptoed towards the bed and looked at Natasha's face that was illuminated by the pale blue moonlight. He drowned himself with her features: her hair, her sharp jawline, and her peacefully sleeping face. The soldier leaned down and gave her a light kiss, something that she would not feel at all.

"Goodbye, Natasha," he whispered as he closed the door gently behind him. The man leaned on the door, contemplating about his decisions with closed eyes. "I'm sorry, we can't be together. I can't be with you… not like this," he said, half-hoping that she could hear his apology. The rain has started to fall. He did not bother being quiet as the noise from the downpour overpowered the echoes of his footsteps.

" _Why would you think like that?_

 _Yeah, we fight a lot but in the end_

 _You and I, we're a perfect match."_

"Let's just forget everything else..." Natasha could not believe that those words came out from her mouth. She despised her eyes as they shed tears on the Captain's simple shirt. She inhaled his scent, something that was uniquely his, and wondered how their lives would be if none of these happened.

The spy knew she was doing something right for the world that they want to save, for him. Why couldn't he understand that?

She tried to be blind on the coldness that he was showing her. She was tired of the physical and emotional conflicts that she was facing all her life, and she was lonely. But Natasha's emotions had no place in this battle. _"If only you knew how much I longed for you..."_ she thought, holding him tighter.

"You shouldn't be here," Steve finally said, spinning her around so they were face to face. Even if she was a master of deception, she could not bear to look at him, to lie to him.

"It... it was my choice," she said, her voice hoarse. She felt like she needed to explain what she was doing, and what she was planning to do.

"Yeah, and your choice is yours," he said. It was a vague statement. Natasha expected him to spit at her but he was still talking like a gentleman. _"As always..."_ she smirked.

Her thoughts were interrupted when he spoke up, his honestly making her guiltier. "I just thought that your decision made me not enough for you..." He slowly released his hold. "I could convince other people but not you..."

Natasha pulled Steve and kissed her earnestly. "Why would you think like that?" she asked before kissing him again, their passion engulfing the both of them. "You don't know how much I love you, Steve..." she whispered breathlessly. She smiled a bit because even though Steve's attitude towards her earlier was cold, his kiss was still as fiery as ever.

" _I wouldn't want it any other way_

 _But now you're gone and I'm all alone…"_

The red-haired woman woke up, facing the window. She loved looking at that balcony where the sun slowly peeps behind the large city buildings. She dug her hands on the sheets; of course, he would not be there. She smiled bitterly to herself. _"When did he even learn to sneak out like that?"_ she wondered. She used to be the one who did the sneaking.

Her upturned lips slowly shifted to a sigh. She hugged her knees and buried her face on them. Natasha felt this place was the safest place to cry. Not even Steve would see her in this devastated state. He could not see her weakness and use it against her even though she knew that he was a gentleman enough not to do that. She cried silently, letting her hair hide her face so that no one could see the tears.

Natasha was a woman of control. It was as if she timed herself to stop crying after some minutes. She wiped her eyes and gave a small smile as she clutched the small device on her hand. "Steve Rogers, don't you remember? You trusted me to save your life… and I don't break promises…"

She smiled sadly as she watched the red dot move through the map. _"I know we can still be together… Soon…"_


End file.
